Life has changed

Man. My life has changed a lot. And it is really tough to swallow.
But I guess thats why they say swallow your pride..

I had envisioned things for myself
I had desires, ambitions, goals.

Now its hard to find my self with any..

I feel that all has been stripped from me..
All understanding has left.

I thought day by day I would be growing, and understanding more and more. But the more I have lived the less I feel I understand. What is it that you are doing God?


Thats a question I can't tell you how often I think a day.

Where is the confidence in myself?
Where is the fire? The Passion? The Vision?

I feel like a wasteless life form not knowing purpose these days.

And with all that is going on.. I know God is working...
Everyday I come to the same realization and understanding- I need Jesus. I am nothing without him. I need his sons life in me and shining through. There is nothing good in me. Not. One. Thing.

Is this what God is teaching me? Yes.

I think the way I was headed was a prideful self ambitious road, where the victories I had in life I would have taken the credit for inside. I thought I in some ways was Gods chosen one. Now I would feel beyond blessed if I was chosen at all... Thats great right?

I dont even know anymore, and I dont know if I care. I feel like a poured out drink offering with nothing left to give.. everything that I have (the little I feel like I have to offer) left all I can do is just say " have your way God" "do whatever" because I know he knows best.

Continue to empty me God of all that is of me and fill me with things of you.

I pray one day to see green pastures and streams of living water again. I have forgotten the glory and fullfillment that are those things.

I love you God so much. I am sorry I am impatient, selfish and so full of pride. I still offer my life to you because I still believe that you are worthy even though I dont live like it.. Please help me too.

Please Help me.

I want my life to be pleasing to you.

Love you God. Your the best. And everything you do is because you love me. Thank you Dad.

Please continue to Loose the Fire in me

I could use me some In n Out

God is good.

I am selfish.

Life is unpredictable.

Sure is.

January is going to be... 

Theres not a word to describe. -Ugh- maybe?

I love my family.

I realize it more and more.  

Death and surrender

Lead to life

Please continue to...

Loose the Fire

Choosing

I need to chose to do things more despite not having the feeling to go along with it.  I think I wait to much for the feeling to come before acting upon it. The feeling is supposed to be a confirmation that im supposed to do it, and its the right time and when its not there I think ahh well. Prob wont be beneficial and productive if im not "feelin it". Ill do it when I really have that feeling where I actually want to do it. So ill be happy when im doing it! Then it will be worthwhile! (My way of thinking)

YELLS- BAH HUM BUG TO THAT WAY OF THINKING!

Cool and collected- Because that way of thinking then determines how Im living...
And that way of living.. isn't really living. Because its living for yourself. And that only leads to emptiness.

Faith First Feelings Second.


Please continue to


Loose the fire

MMMM

No, don't gloat over me
Though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again
Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light
I will be patient 
As the Lord
Punishes me 
For the wrongs I've done
Against Him
After that 
He'll take my case
Bringing me 
To light and the justice
For all I have suffered


-Jon Foreman Equally skilled


Loose the Fire in me Lord

I Hate Winter

There are a lot of people in the world. I will never know them and they will never know me.  Im sitting in Starbucks, having one of those moments where you look at peoples faces as they walk in and out and have no idea what they are going through in life. I see the little teenage girls and can see the insecurity. It saddens me. I see the adults and who knows what they have been through or are currently. Crazy. We are all victims of insecurity but I think it takes a long time to be at peace with it and not let it rule our actions. In high school it seems to most certainly rule over the masses. Sucks. Thank goodness for younglife ;)

Winters approaching fast. I hate it so much. I don't like to think about how it's not going to be sunny for the next 7-8 months. What a Joke. WHAT a joke. Goodbye sandals goodbye tan and goodbye outdoor activities.

Delighting in God is sweet. I think God is trying to make it be a foundation in my life. You know what I love most about delighting in him? I feel so satisfied content and PLEASED with him, where I'm at with him and in circumstances. So not only is just that sweet but on top of that he promises you that if you delight in him he will give you the desires of your heart!! CRAZYY!! Thats a promise folks!! Psalm 37:4 Whata God.

Dear God, I delight in you and am pleased with you. Now my hearts desire is to send winter away forever. Amen.

Please Continue to...



Loose the Fire!

Welp

I think this is going to be very good for me to have. I have never done it before. Never enjoyed writing my thoughts down, I get bored easily. But my sister wants to know what's going on in my life and she encouraged me to get a blog. As well as for this season in my life I feel God encouraging me to start writing things down. I am actually excited. I have no idea who my audience is going to be. I think it might just be you and me Kell! :)

Honesty- I don't like being vulnerable and deeply honest except to a select view of chosen people. But I am going to do my best to say what I think and feel without hesitation or fear. Thats hard for me.

A Heads up- This is going to be mostly about my thoughts about life and where I am at on this journey,  however, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and came to earth to give us eternal life, destroy the works of evil, and show us a better way to live and love. So in light of that I am compelled to live radically sold out for him. I hope that I continue to look and sound less and less like the rest of the World. That would be sweet! So yeah just know this is going to be a blog about my walk and growth with God!


A Prayer I need to get on paper!
God I want to look like you. I want my life to reflect my intimacy with you. I want the fullness of what you offer. I dont want to settle during this short life on earth I have. Help me to be patient. Patient with you and your timing and patient with personal growth. I know who I want to be and what I want to look like so help me to just be faithful with what I have now. Give me a better perspective on things, your perspective. Help me to walk in my identity as a Mighty Son of God. May you always be the be all end all! Thank you for your love and faithfulness. Continue to break down my walls and erase my doubt. Help me to not let my circumstances define me and my joy.  I proclaim I will have self control with my tongue, money, and spare time. And I proclaim I will be grateful for all that I have and give you the thanks and praise whether I feel like it or not! God you are super cool. Thanks for loving me perfectly even when I don't see it. Thank you for two amazing weeks of seeing your Power and Love in Orange county! It was a glimpse at the revival to come! I truly believe it!   Please continue to..



Loose Your Fire